Even as the angry vengeful thoughts boiled through me, I saw the sin of them. Jesus Christ had died for this man; was I going to ask for more? Lord Jesus, I prayed, forgive me, and help me to forgive him... Jesus, I cannot forgive him. Give me your forgiveness... And so, I discovered that it is not on our forgiveness any more than on our goodness that the world's healing hinges, but on his. When he tells us to love our enemies, he gives along with the command, the love itself.— Corrie Ten Boom
Yesterday, we discussed the vital mandate of seed bearers, reviewing the significant roles they have played and may still be playing in our lives. But especially within the family setting, not all the stories and experiences unfolding down the generations are pleasant. Many have scars from the neglect, discrimination, betrayal, abuse, abandonment, rejection, or mistrust of people who were supposed to serve as seed bearers in their lives. Battling with resentment and anger over the pain suffered, they seem incapable of moving on from the past to embrace the possibilities of the future. Others are burdened with guilt for the failures and errors that have created chasms between them and their loved ones. But today, I believe God wants to release help and healing for all of us, no matter where we stand in this divide.
Since the entry of sin into the world and the disconnection of humans from God and our fellow humans, there has always been a need for justice, forgiveness, and reconciliation. Because of the goodness and mercy of our Good Father, the requirements for restoration are made possible. In the Garden of Eden, God clothed the nakedness of our first parents with the skin of an animal. He foreshadowed that covering and restoration for sin can never be achieved without sacrifice, death, and the shedding of blood. In the Old Testament, we find a long list of requirements, practices and sacrifices that had to be done yearly to address and atone for the sins of Israel. Thankfully, at an appointed time in history, the Lamb of God who was slain before the world’s foundation was manifested to take away the sins of the world. Through Christ, we obtain one foundational ingredient for restoring and shifting generations: forgiveness.
As the writer of Hebrews puts it: “He [Christ] has appeared once for all at the end of the ages to put away sin by the sacrifice of himself” (9:26). And “by a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified” (10:14). We read that Christ has purchased and secured forgiveness once and for all for us but are we really enjoying and applying this benefit in our lives? Do we even realize why we need this benefit, how we receive this gift, and why we must extend it to others? In 1 John 1:6-10, the beloved apostle helps us to address these questions.
So we are lying if we say we have fellowship with God but go on living in spiritual darkness; we are not practicing the truth.
But if we are living in the light, as God is in the light, then we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, cleanses us from all sin.
If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth.
But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.
According to verse 9, God is faithful to keep His promise to forgive us because Jesus fulfilled the requirement for forgiveness by shedding His undefiled blood for us, ‘for without the shedding of blood, there is no forgiveness’ (Hebrews 9:22b). He is also just to forgive us because Jesus bore the penalty of our sins as Isaiah 53:4-5 says. But there appears to be a condition, an ‘if’
, for us to truly enjoy what Christ has permanently secured through his sufferings and death.
'If we confess'!
John highlights two key words which are relevant to the subject of confession and forgiveness: light and darkness . In this context, darkness means covering, hiding, concealing, or deceiving while light means transparency, disclosure, and truth. We can infer from this portion of Scripture that when we, believers, do not practice or walk in truth, as people called into God's kingdom of light should, two things happen. First, we undermine fellowship with each other. Secondly, we limit the cleansing power of Jesus' blood and I'll explain shortly why.
First, confession implies that we acknowledge the sin or wrong, admit that we are at fault, and approach God for forgiveness because we have faith in the provision Christ has made for us. The very moment we do this, we have an inner witness that the matter is sealed. Whether or not we feel forgiven or worthy to be forgiven, the fact remains that God has forgiven us, and we've received a receipt by faith. If Satan, the accuser of the brethren, comes reminding us of this sin, we can boldly stand on God's word and overcome him by the blood that cleansed us (Revelations 12:11).
However, confession should be done both vertically (towards God) and horizontally (towards our neighbours). After all, it is our fellow humans that we often wrong though our sins are ultimately against our heavenly father too. This is why Jesus entreats us, in our anchor text, Matthew 5:23-24, to prioritize reconciliation with people over spiritual routines. But without sincerity, transparency, humility and reverence for God, horizontal confession is something we may try to avoid. Why? Because it may be more convenient for us to save our face, our egos and pretend nothing happened.
As verse 7 shows, when we conceal our sins from one another, we break our connection with them. We isolate our hearts in a cold place where we cannot relate deeply or harmoniously with others or receive truth from them. In so doing, we miss any help or insight they can offer to expose the ways of darkness in our lives. Then these dark areas continue to persist and worsen in our lives even though Christ's blood is available to cleanse them. In the end, we forfeit the full potential and power of God's cleansing and forgiveness. Thus, for us to truly experience God's forgiveness, we must endeavour to repair and maintain our horizontal connections.
In previous prayer sessions, we touched on different examples of sins that our predecessors or we ourselves might have committed that hurt, deprived, or put others at risk. In some cases, the iniquities were committed before we surrendered to Christ, but they could be a hindrance to us and our families because we have not sought forgiveness and made restitution where possible. Don’t trivialize the unkind treatments you've meted out to others: even if such incidents happened years ago, they may still be
holding them against you. Mind you, when an embittered voice speaks or cries against you, it registers in heaven (see Genesis 4:10, Exodus 3:9). In this season of fast, ask the Lord to help you recall people you must approach for forgiveness and restoration.
A friend recounted how he had several abortions with a girlfriend while promising to marry her when they become more matured or prepared. But, when he entered university he ditched this lady. Later he surrendered his life to Jesus and realized the gravity of the sins they had committed and the need to make amends. He earnestly asked God's forgiveness for them both and prayed she would forgive him. Further, he sought the opportunity to call and apologize, and even visited her home. It's been a great relief that God has been so gracious to this lady and enabled her to have three children. Though it took some years for his wife to conceive, he was also eventually blessed with children.
The subject of restitution is often underemphasized, possibly because it is often not simple to do. In cases of financial loss or fraud, it may be easy to restore the lost resources to rightful owners. This is what Zacchaeus did after He encountered Jesus (see Luke 19:8). But when immaterial assets are at stake – trust, health, opportunities, reputation – it may be humanly impossible to attempt paying back. However, I believe it’s better to acknowledge the harm caused to the offended party, admit your regret for it (sincerely) and give them the opportunity to extend forgiveness. It may take a while for people to respond with mercy, but we must allow them the time needed as we pray that God helps them to forgive. As Jesus highlights in Matthew 18:15-17, reconciliation may not come easy when you are the offended party. How much more when you are the offender? So, we trust God with the process once we fulfill our part.
Beloved, without confession and restitution, where possible, we hinder ourselves from experiencing complete peace, healing or progress. This is why Apostle James admonishes us to confess our sins to each other and pray for each other so that we may be healed (5:16 a, NLT). There is a measure of healing and restoration effected when an offended party releases a grudge and prays for the offender. We see this in the case of Abraham and Abimelech when the latter took in Sarah thinking she was Abraham's sister.
"That night God came to Abimelech in a dream and told him, “You are a dead man, for that woman you have taken is already married!”
In the dream God responded, “Yes, I know you are innocent. That’s why I kept you from sinning against me, and why I did not let you touch her. Now return [restore] the woman to her husband, and he will pray for you, for he is a prophet. Then you will live. But if you don’t return her to him, you can be sure that you and all your people will die.”
Genesis 20:3 & 6-7, NLT
Abimelech restored Sarah to Abraham with a compensatory package of sheep, cattle, male and female servants, and a thousand pieces of silver. It seems that Almighty God couldn't overlook this offence and command healing. He required a human - in this case, the partly guilty Abraham - to stand in the gap and pray.
"So Abraham prayed unto God: and God healed Abimelech, and his wife, and his maidservants; and they bare children. For the Lord had fast closed up all the wombs of the house of Abimelech, because of Sarah Abraham's wife " (Genesis 20:17-18, NLT). No wonder James, right after highlighting the need for confession and prayer, adds that the earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results (5:16b). This could be the key to unlocking blessing for you and your posterity.
Admittedly, there are instances where confession is very difficult, and the stakes are high. Within the nuclear family setting especially, the sensitivities and implications are huge. Imagine if a lady gets a medical confirmation that an abortion committed in the past is the cause of infertility. Would she open up to her spouse especially if this was not mentioned prior to marriage? What could be the repercussions?
The ensuing mistrust may be the least of her concerns: the marriage itself could be at stake. How should such cases be handled? She can opt to conceal it, carry the weight of guilt (thereby compounding her health problems) and ultimately prevent herself from knowing true peace and harmony in her marriage. However, I believe if she prayerfully seeks counsel and gets the support of matured believers to address this issue with her spouse, she stands a better chance of forgiveness, peace and inner healing - even if it takes a while. And who knows what her partner’s prayer contribution can cause when the great mercies of God are encountered?
Concealing our sins harms us more than it helps us, and David testifies to this in Psalm 32:3-6 (TPT). “Before I confessed my sins, I kept it all inside; my dishonesty devastated my inner life, causing my life to be filled with frustration, irrepressible anguish, and misery. The pain never let up, for your hand of conviction was heavy on my heart. My strength was sapped, my inner life dried up like a spiritual drought within my soul. Then I finally admitted to you all my sins, refusing to hide them any longer. I said, “My life- giving God, I will openly acknowledge my evil actions.” And you forgave me! All at once the guilt of my sin washed away and all my pain disappeared! This is what I’ve learned through it all: All believers should confess their sins to God; do it every time God has uncovered you in the time of exposing. For if you do this, when sudden storms of life overwhelm, you’ll be kept safe.” Beyond confession to God, David admitted his offences with Bathsheba to Nathan and the nation, and today posterity reads about it.
Perhaps, you are on the other side of the divide, in the position to extend forgiveness. You may have endured the preceding paragraphs wondering what demands are going to be made of you. Sincerely, I am not sure what wrongs and repercussions you have suffered. You may even be justified to condemn your offender, walk away from certain relationships, or even seek justice and punishment. Firstly, know that forgiveness is not intended to avert justice. In the cross, we see that justice and mercy can be met in Christ. Secondly, as Corrie Ten Boom aptly writes in our anchor quote, it is difficult and painful to forgive. Humanly speaking, it may even be impossible to let go of the hurts. But the burden of forgiveness does not ultimately lie on you.
True forgiveness streams from Christ and it is only when we acknowledge how little our capacity to extend mercy is that He can step in to help us do what He alone can. Like Corrie, ask Him to first reveal the depths of His love, mercy and forgiveness to you. Ask Him to uncover the ways that unforgiveness is harming you yourself. We may not realize the joy we stifle from our own lives when we let others who might have moved on with their lives keep us captive to the past. It will be great if our offenders approach us and offer us the rightful choice to forgive but, this won’t always be the case. As Matthew 18:15-17 suggests, at times, we may even have to confront them about the wrongs done. And then they may even not acknowledge their faults. But should we allow them to keep us hostage to the past when Christ died to liberate us to live a rich and satisfying life?
The choice is ours to make: to seek forgiveness and restitution or to extend forgiveness and allow reconciliation. Neither is easy to do, and we all need the grace of God to pursue forgiveness and restitution. May the Lord Jesus who knows our hearts help us in whatever position we are. May He give us wisdom to break the limitations of the past so that we can prepare a better ground for our descendants to build on.