You must constantly ask yourself these questions: Who am I around? What are they doing to me? What have they got me reading? What have they got me saying? Where do they have me going? What do they have me thinking? And most important, what do they have me becoming? Then, ask yourself the big question: Is that okay?— Jim Rohn
A man only learns in two ways, one by reading, and the other by association with smarter people.
Your associations are one of the most important resources you have in life. As Jim Rohn intimates, your associations determine who you become. They shape your identity and influence the paths you take. Right from the Garden of Eden, our creator determined that it is not good for man (humans) to be alone. So, He did not place us on islands to dwell by ourselves. Rather, as Scripture points out, He sets us in community - families, neighbourhoods and countries - to enjoy His good gifts in us through fellowship.
While it is true that we do not determine certain aspects of our associations - for instance, the parents we are born to or the race of our birth - we have significant control on most relationships we form in life. We decide who to spend our time with, invest our time and resources in, or offer our headspace to. Even our salvation is based on choice: though Jesus died for all mankind, but we have a choice to receive or reject this gift of God.
Your associations and their influence determine what you attract or repel in life. God had to part ways momentarily with His son when He become one with sin on the cross. If this principle applied to the Son of Man and Son of God, we are certainly no exception. Which people have you decided to associate with? Have you defined the level of associations and set proper boundaries around them? Even Jesus had an inner circle of three among his disciples and followers who were privy to certain information. Not all your classmates or colleagues are your friends. And because the level of association differ, you would not share some details of your lives and happenings with every one of them. Make time to evaluate: what is this relationship having me become ?
Is it making me better or worse? How much should I commit to it?
In defining our associations, we can take some cues from chemistry. There are different types of bonds - covalent, ionic, hydrogen, metallic or Van der Waals - and their formation depends on the nature of interaction between the elements or molecules: whether attractive or repulsive. The bond strength differ: some are stronger than others. The same is true of our associations. Because man is a tripartite being, having a body, soul and spirit, we don’t just connect on a physical level. Our minds and emotions get involved and for couples who consummate their relationship through sex, the connection takes a spiritual dimension too. So, the Bible says though a married couple are two, they become one - that oneness is the strongest human bond. This is why Scripture admonishes us to be careful who we choose to bond with. Do not be unequally yoked with an unbeliever. Why? You cannot derive a synergic output of work by yoking two different animals, for instance a cow and a horse. It just won't work well.
4 Some time later Samson fell in love with a woman named Delilah, who lived in the valley of Sorek. 5 The rulers of the Philistines went to her and said, “Entice Samson to tell you what makes him so strong and how he can be overpowered and tied up securely. Then each of us will give you 1,100 pieces[b] of silver.”…17 Finally, Samson shared his secret with her. “My hair has never been cut,” he confessed, “for I was dedicated to God as a Nazirite from birth. If my head were shaved, my strength would leave me, and I would become as weak as anyone else.” 18 Delilah realized he had finally told her the truth, so she sent for the Philistine rulers. “Come back one more time,” she said, “for he has finally told me his secret.” So the Philistine rulers returned with the money in their hands. 19 Delilah lulled Samson to sleep with his head in her lap, and then she called in a man to shave off the seven locks of his hair. In this way she began to bring him down,[d] and his strength left him. 20 Then she cried out, “Samson! The Philistines have come to capture you!” When he woke up, he thought, “I will do as before and shake myself free.” But he didn’t realize the Lord had left him.
Judges 16:4-5 & 17-20, NLT
From this account, we see that whereas Samson fell in love, Delilah did not share the same sentiment. She was only seeking her interest in being the lover of the strongest man in town. When the opportunity came, like an auctioneer, she traded Samson to bidders for profit. Unfortunately, opportunists who care only about their interests abound in our world. And when we fail to walk in wisdom, we fall prey to their traps. Riches, fame and success often attract such people but in our low moments, when we need them the most, they disappear. So, we need discernment to form the right connections in life in all stages of our lives.
There is an interesting passage in 2 Samuel that caught my attention. The city of Abel Beth Maacah was under attack and on the verge of destruction because one man in that city, Sheba, son of Bicri, decided to revolt against King David. A wise woman from the city approached the commander of the king's army to appeal saying, “I am one who is peace loving and faithful in Israel. But you are destroying an important town in Israel. Why do you want to devour what belongs to the Lord?” (2 Samuel 20:19, NLT). The simple answer was, by virtue of the troublemaker's association with this city, the entire community had become the king’s enemy too. Had this woman not intervened and argued to dissociate the city from Sheba, they would all have been destroyed for his sake. Is it possible that we have become victims of unnecessary attacks because of our associations?
When David became the friend of Jonathan, he attracted the envy and anger of Saul. But these companions knew their bond was ordained by God and that it was serving His purposes. So, they committed to their relationship and made sacrifices to safeguard this association. Similarly for us, there are people in our lives that we can and must stand because of the value they place on us and add to our lives. Often, such investments would yield dividends for your posterity like it played out for Jonathan’s son, Mephibosheth. Because of his father's loyal friendship with David, he experienced kindness, favour and exemption from death. Who are the loyal friends God has planted in your life? How are you stewarding your relationship with them?
In my junior high school days, I used to sit at the back of the class with a group of boys. Anytime an issue came up, teachers' first comment will be, "Alimo and his friends at the back". Sometimes, I had nothing to do with it but I was implicated because of my association with them. Our friendship continued class and we would take turns to cook, watch movies or play games in our various homes. As we interacted and learnt together, we formed common dreams, ambitions and 'foolishness'. We shared the ambition of reaching the university and on several occasions we outperformed our seniors in mock exams. Today, we are all doing well in our chosen fields. As the wise man, Solomon said, “walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble” Proverbs 13:20 NLT.
In closing, I want to underscore one key association we are privileged to have in our dispensation but often underutilize. Our union with Christ has given us access to God's Spirit and an unparalleled opportunity for fellowship. But the influence of the Holy Spirit in our lives can be limited by us. Just as you can be related to or associated with a king and derive no real benefits, we can make this uncommon gift of God ordinary in our lives. Through ignorance, familiarity or carnality, we can miss the distinguishing marks of excellence and impact for which God gave His Spirit to us (see Romans 8:5-17 & Galatians 5:13 - 26). But I entreat you to resolve to pursue an intimate walk with the Spirit and experience the fullness of God's amazing gift in your life.
Your associations can make or unmake you. Many lives have been destroyed because of wrong associations. But the converse is also true, many have been bettered by associations. The choice is yours!